Begging

Ok. So that last post was not the last post from Ohio.

I was packing up the family pictures; albums and boxes full of pictures. So many memories.
I was struck by one thing as I looked, oh so briefly glanced, at those pictures and that thing is this: My children are growing.
Right now and in every moment they are changing. These days with them, I know, I KNOW that these are the best and most golden days of my life and I never want them to end. I don't want time to march heedlessly on. I want stasis. I want more time. More days full of chubby legs and chattering girls. More grubby little necks at the end of a hot day. More little handprints on the windows. More spontaneous hugs from little arms that can barely stretch around me. More of them, just as they are right now. One budding into a bright young lady, right on the verge of becoming...becoming someone fabulous. One right there in that perfect chubby stage between toddler and pre-schooler. I want more little giggles. More imaginary games. I want more of my kids.
More. More. More.
Please let me have more.
I try to catch every moment, to see every expression.
I do not want these golden days to pass by.

There is this boy in my life and he's all round and soft edges and he always smells, mysteriously, wonderfully of maple syrup or of gooey things freshly baked. And sometimes this boy will wander over and clamber up on my lap and he will grab my face and give me long mmmwahs while singing me a song. And he will tuck his head up under my chin and rest against my chest and hum and smile and look back up at me and he will make the sign for love and tell me over and over again that he loves me. I can't begin to tell you how that makes me feel. How is it that I get to hold this boy, this child and watch him grow and hear his little love songs and smell the sweet scent of him? My heart just melts and I feel like I could do anything.

The girl in my life is all action and talk and go go go. And sometimes, if I am very lucky, she will climb in bed with me in the morning and lay still for a bit and let me tuck her into my embrace and she will lay there all sleepy and bleary eyed and she will tell me of her plans for the day. And I will mumble sleepy agreements and affirmations while I feel her lion heart thumping in her chest. I will let my mind wander as she tells me these things, or as she ponders about the art of spying or the world of Link and I will feel her feet, waaaay down there, banging against my legs and I will remember what a tiny bundle she was the first time I held her. And I will nearly be torn apart by the gratitude that floods my being. Gratitude for her. For this magical girl that fills every moment of my life with smiles and laughter and silliness and glitter and all good things.

I do not care where my life takes me, just as long as I get to have these two children here with me. Just as long as I can be called their Mama.