Really, no thought went into checking the girl box on the paperwork the first time. We were adopting from China, we were going the NSN route (non-special needs) and we had been told that meant girl. We were just naive enough not to question it and really it didn't matter to us either way so we didn't. We didn't question.
The second time around though we were a whole lot smarter about many , many things where adoption was concerned and most particularly where the perspective adopted child was concerned. So when it came time to check that gender box we were very determined to make sure that everyone between us and the CCAA knew that a boy was totally copacetic. Now Les was all gung-ho for a boy, all of the way- and I was a bit reserved on that matter in my heart of hearts, but I had learned too much about the plight of little boys with special needs in the heart of China to NOT check that boy box too. (BUUUUUT)I wanted Ev to have a sister.
I wanted her to have a sister the way I have a sister. There is nothing like it. If you are lucky enough to have a sister that is close then you know, there is nothing that can ever quite take the place of that relationship. You will never be alone as long as you can piss your sister off.
The Universe saw fit to bring us Liam. We forged ahead and all of those fears about sisterhood, a daughter being a daughter for life... brothers and sisters, sister-in-law's... it all was out of my head until this recent online conversation. Then I started worrying again. What if... what if... wouldn't a sister....
But you see there was The Moosh. He's here! And. He. Is. Ours. And. Was. Meant. To. Be. And I never ever ever ever ever could think that having him was some sort of mix up so what that what did that leave me?
I had to look at what was happening here in my own home. I had to look at what my oh so complicated, oh so sophisticated, oh so independent daughter was learning from a veritable little monkey man. Because as a mother, the one thing that I have learned for sure, write that shit in stone, is this: it is so not about me, ever, not for one single solitary moment, it is about them, always. The two of them. My children and what they need and if I forget that? They will remind me. And if they are too busy to get to it, The Universe will remind me. SO the bonus is that he happens to be exactly the little guy that I needed but the REAL issue here is this:
Liam is the exact brother that Evelyn needed in her life and she is the sister that he needed in his.
All of the trust issues that I have fretted over with her for years and years? Well, as she watches Liam trusting us and showing emotions publicly and you know, not bursting into flames or being unable to sustain his own life- she is slowly but surely starting to mimic him and it is good for her. I could have spent years talking myself blue in the face about it being ok to cry and let me know when she was sad but seeing her brother get some serious face time over that stuff has made her see that it's ok and she has let her guard come down. I have talked about this before, yes. It's just that, it keeps happening in these small increments and it's so good for her - I'm just amazed. The girl demanded a kiss from me in the middle of the grocery store today! She cried at the movie theater!She is talking to us when she is sad or mad or upset! These are all very great things for our little stoic wonder.
And all of those little lazy lima bean issues I fret over for him? Well? Having a sister that is a human combustible engine really fires up the old competitive bones and keeps him moving. He is also so very sick and tired of hearing her fuss over his messes that he is oh so slowly getting the idea of cleaning up after himself.
And as my husband, who has two sisters that he is very close with says, "The relationship between brothers and sisters can be great your whole life too. Just because it's not something you had, doesn't mean there's no value to it". He is so right. I have also had to look at the many women I know who have sisters they don't get along with and don't value the way I value mine.
So here's to my Mooshy Pot Pie! He may not be able to fight gravity off for very long, he may not be able to remember why he walked into a room, he might not get that he CAN move his plate closer to his body, he might slam his head into mailboxes, get stuck in step-stools, get stuck under side tables, he might trip over oxygen...but he is exactly the boy we were waiting for.
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