Temporary But Awful Just the Same

Today we drove our Papa an hour a half away, and in the rain, we said goodbye and he boarded a plane.
We are looking at 5 weeks without him. 35 days.
We drove home and walked into the house and it felt smaller and darker and much less homey without him here. I guess it's just the knowing how long we will be without him.
For me, this is an all too familiar cycle.
We get the word that he is being sent away. I hate it and throw multiple fits and I have at least one day where I get mad at him, then I enter my denial phase.
Then he starts to pack.
And I drive him to some stinking airport somewhere and I come home alone.
Then I look at the calendar, map the days and I just try to survive until the half way mark- because after that half way mark, it's all down hill. Except for the last three days which take on a hell all of their own...
At the beginning, you only listen to sad music, watch depressing movies and eat junk food. Towards the end, you listen to happy pop songs, you watch comedies and you frantically try to make up for x amount of days of eating like a college freshman....

But its been awhile and I'm out of practice. And this time I am left here with two kids who are already beside themselves with missing him. Ev has known and she can process the exact length of time he will be gone. Liam just knows he is gone now and that an airplane was involved and that Papa won't be home tonight, he says "Oh Man!", and slaps his forehead whenever we talk about it. Evelyn cried quietly in the car for awhile as we drove home and then she let herself fall asleep.

Ev is a Papa's girl- through and through. Ev feels things very deeply and she frets and worries and just gets all worked up. She has been crying at night for a week now, I wonder what tonight's bedtime will bring?

I can handle my own loneliness and missing him- hers is unbearable.

Well, it looks like Netflix, junk food and lots of lovins to get us through tonight...