Life is funny. You end up devastated, lost and alone and then this other country half way around the world says, "Yes. You can have this child to raise and call your own". So you go get the child and you think that it was all about you and that your life will continue on and you will just have this child now. But you are changed in so many profound ways, ways that take you by surprise.
First you have all of the ways that your heart transforms from who you were, to being a mother.
But when you adopt, and that child comes from another country, something else happens along with all of those changes. You find that all of the sudden (or not so sudden depending on The Wait), you have this other culture in your home. You have travelled and spent the most emotional time in your life as a stranger in a strange land. You find that you can't quite get that place out of your heart and mind. You find that in order to honor your children for who they are, you must also take into account where they came from. You begin to realize that even though you may not be able to replace their lost culture, you can honor it, give that culture a small corner is your home, in your heart and in your timeline.
I have done the reading. I know that my kids need to feel a connection to China so they may be able to come to terms with who they are as individuals but I will confess, we didn't start celebrating CNY because of that. I thought it would be fun. That's it. We lived in North Carolina, it was a gray, drizzly week and I thought, "let's spice this up". So we decorated, I made some Chinese food and that was it. Evelyn enjoyed it so much that we did it the next year and the next and ...here I am.
I also have to say that there is no real great way for me to give them a genuinely Chinese- Chinese New Year. So I do the best I can. I have researched and we have chosen things that we can do that emulate CNY. So we decorate- using mostly construction paper and we eat Chinese food. And we talk about China, CNY and the customs around it, Les and I research Chinese calligraphy and try our best to get some of it correct on our home made banners. We research the Chinese Zodiac and base that year's decor around what animal year it is. (This is the Year of the Dragon. The Water Dragon to be exact).
There is something new to this year though. I have come to realize that just as my family and friends have made room in their hearts for my children, they too have made room for China. I have had calls, e-mails, presents sent- all because it's Chinese New Year and they all know that we celebrate it, that it's important to us. It's so funny because the involvement of our friends and family in this time of the year is the single most authentic aspect to The Dillon Family Chinese New Year Mashup.
And that is what I will tell the kids this year. Chinese New Year in China is centered around family. I will tell them that your family here gets that. They know how you came from China and they know we celebrate this holiday that does not touch their lives, but they make time for us anyway. Your family sees how you love to do this, they get that it's a part of you. I am choked up with tears as I write this because the simple acceptance of family and friends is the most valuable commodity of all - and we have that in spades.
Gung Hay Fat Choy!
Xīn nián kuài lè!
ReplyDelete