I think it might have something to do with the fact that every time I am almost there...I get a migraine, or a tooth abscess, or a migraine, or a cold, or a migraine, and I loose 3 or 4 days and all the ground I gained in my last "no migraine or any other crap" phase.
I have gone through so many bouts of relaxing my standards so that I can feel like things are getting done that it's a bit ridiculous. I am not even talking about my old, crazy, clean house obsessed, pre-kids level of chores and cleaning and errands. I am talking about the fact that I am barely able to maintain a cleanliness standard that would get me a Health Dept. rating of 8.5 if I was a restaurant.
I am currently re-washing a load of clothes for the third time because I can't seem to get to them to get them in the dryer before they stink. My floors have not been mopped in oh...well, longer than I want to admit publicly. Every mirror and window in the house that Liam has fingerprint access to needs cleaned. I need to shave my legs. I need a nap.
The thing is I am a stay at home Mom so I feel like there should be somewhere in the day that I could get things done. Yeah. No. It's not happening.
Here is my day:
--Sleep until the kids wake up because I am an insomniac and a good night of sleep is a rare animal for me and waking ahead of them is just plain out of the question.
--Breakfast for The Horde. This means a hurried occasion of some carb laden whatever that I can throw in front of them so I can hurriedly clean up the kitchen or squeeze in some other task. I always tell myself I will eat in a just a bit...
--Cleaning up from breakfast real quick like which seems silly because didn't I JUST clean it from the evening before?!
--The start of school: Math 40 minutes, Spelling 20 minutes, Writing 15 minutes, Grammar 20 minutes, Reading 30 minutes. Which is like 2 hours and 5 minutes. So it doesn't seem like that long on paper. You must factor in diaper changes, and getting Liam out of whatever predicament he is in (like stuck in a chair) every 15 minutes. There is also the comforting Liam time because he fell and hit his head again- every 20 minutes. Liam's speech practice for 30 minutes. The time that Ev argues and balks and lollygags.
--So somewhere in there we stop for lunch and the "cleanup" (Notice the quotes there. That is because at this point I have given up any pretense of actually cleaning, this is more like shoving and dumping).
--Return to school to finish up.
--Liam down for a nap some days. Some days we head out to do the grocery shopping or errand running.
--While Liam is napping sometimes I nap too (no shame) or Ev and I do some fun project or I sit and stare for a total of 10 minutes but mostly it's finishing school because of some drama her Highness has added to the day and thus delayed finishing time.
--Papa home from work. So the kids play and scramble on him for about 5 minutes while I sit stunned, realizing that I haven't eaten or showered.
--I shower then Les and I have a snack while the kids play about.
--And this is where it gets hazy. Les is here. I am here. Yet...somehow our time just gets eaten up and we end up on the far shores of our evening exhausted and stunned that it is actually 10 pm and we didn't get a thing done. Again. Because you know there was dinner and clean up and just triyng to be with the kids. On Tuesdays and Thursdays Les comes in to take over school for History and Science.
This is Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Monday and Wednesday get extra points for being all time eat-y and crazy making because of the 5 hours minimum we spend getting the kids up to Speech and Gymnastics.
Saturday we spend recovering from the week prior and Sunday we spend psyching up for the coming week. (That was fancy talk for laying about playing video games and taking walks with the kids or playing board games, reading books, wrestling with the kids- you know family stuff).
See? It seems like there should be something MORE that I get done.
But I just really get only taking care of the kids done.
Ultimately it's all ok. The house work will always be there, the kids will not.
I know that it's ok to have a messy home because you are too busy caring for the kids to really commit to cleaning the toilets.
It's just that, as a stay at home mom, there is alot of pressure to feel like you are on top of it all. That you are getting ALL the things done.
We are getting the most important stuff done I think. We are spending these years caring for our kids and trying to enjoy them.
It's good.
I just need a nap.
And a wife.
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