Exactamo

Tonight while we were driving home after a very long day, my husband put a cd in the player and the car filled with music. It happened to be the music he so arrogantly popped into my cd player about 20 years ago when I had offered to take this nice guy I knew (him) about an hour and a half away to go job hunting near his college campus.

All of the sudden, years melted away and the sound of my Chinese son singing in the back seat got far away...and I went back to that day in my mind. That was the first day that we had ever spent any significant amount of time together and it was the first day that I knew that I wanted to be with him. I knew that I loved him. It was just like that.

 I was 19 people. Nineteen. Les and I had met a few times before this, maybe 5 times over 2 years and each time stands out in my mind after all of these years and each time has the same feel in my mind and heart as my days with him now feel.

So for a brief time tonight I was 20 again, wearing short blue jean cutoffs, a white t-shirt and my hair a glorious mane of spiral perm curls. I was 19 and there was this very cool, cute and great guy next to me in the car. Someone that I could just BE with. Someone who was funny, who got my stupid geeky jokes, someone who was interested and PRESENT. Then I came back to the present and there was still this cute, funny guy next to me- except that we had those two kids back there and we were coming home from speech therapy and gymnastics for them. These two amazing kids that we had to fight to find in this world- the ultimate bonus.

I knew then, on that bright sunny day that I wanted to be with him for  a long time. I didn't say "marry" or "married" in my head- I was 19. But I knew something was up. I had no idea what a future with that guy would be like, I just knew I wanted to be there for it.

And here I am, in that future and it is nothing that I could have ever imagined -but it's everything that I dreamed of.