Liam's surgery is finally booked and in a breathless instant I went from fretting over when it would be booked to being slightly ill at the thought of all he would go through during the surgery.
He needs a z-plasty with a pharyngoplasty along with a scar revision on his lip and a tip rhinoplasty on his nose. The surgery itself is expected to last 2.5 to 3 hrs with an overnight stay. In the field of craniofacial surgery I suppose what we have lined up isn't that big of a deal for the surgeons but it is for us and I think our Team gets that.
We are experiencing what all parents of cleft affected children go through right before surgery. The anxiety of changing our child's face. We love him so much just as he is. he is our son and we find only perfection in him and the thought of intentionally changing his face surgically wrenches at our hearts in a way that you can not imagine. We have no issue with the palate, FIX THAT! And fix that fast. But his little face? Oh how I wish we didn't have to make the choice of changing that.
Luckily enough for my heart, I know a few families like us and I find comfort in the fact that they tell me that, in the end they do not regret the surgeries they have chosen for their sons or daughters.
I also know that this time around will be a bit harder for my heart. The truth of the matter is that during Liam's first surgery, I just wasn't quite his Mama yet. It still felt like I was kind of baby sitting a boy for someone. I felt bad for him and it was hard for sure but ...Now? I am fully committed to him as my son and I also know from those same mothers that this will by far be much, much more difficult emotionally.
As far as what Liam will experience? I guess the first few days are bad but I hear the kids bounce back faster than you would expect. I think the hardest part is keeping them away from their stitches and keeping them on the soft diet. I know that the night in the hospital might be hellish for the little guy.
March 19 is approaching fast. I want it over. I want it to never come.