I sat on Ev's bed talking with her today and the talk was of everyday stuff really. How her day was, how she enjoyed her school's production of The Nutcracker, what songs she likes right now, what kid is irritating her on the bus, what homework she has due, if she is going to try out for the school soccer team....Her radio was on and as we talked she would bop around dancing a bit, singing along a bit, giggling and smiling big. As we talked, Liam would wander in and out of her room, bits of his after school chocolate muffin still smeared on his face and he would climb briefly on my lap to remind me not to forget that he needed help with his homework, or to tell me some little thing about his day.
I watched the both of them and it hit me. She is 12. He is 8. Time is flying by. It is slipping out of my hands like warm sands at the seaside. They are charging full speed ahead into the bright horizon and I am standing breathless in their wake. Sometimes when I look at them the babies and small children they were are merged seamlessly in my mind but, other times when I look at them, a divergence takes place and there is just the person they are now in front of me with the memory of the younger version tucked safely away in my heart.
I tell them both, all of the time, that when we went to China to bring them home, we didn't just go for any child. We went to China to get THEM. Specifically them. Yi Fu Mei and Dang Ao Zhuang. No other babies would have done. Those were the ones for us. I knew the minute I saw their faces.
As the years have passed, each day has proved that I was right. They were so right for us. I am so thankful to get the chance to be their Mama to watch them grow up, to have my heart broken a thousand times by that growing up and maturing. They are fabulous little people. They are both so kind and tenderhearted, bright and fun, they smile and sing, they laugh and tease, they just talk and talk and brighten up my days. They are all of the good in my life.
I watched them today and I realized how very lucky I am to have these two in my life. Each day I hope that I am the mother that they deserve. I want so very badly to stop time and keep them right where they are, to just have them all to myself for as long as I can, it seems so unfair that I had to miss so much at the start of their lives and now its all going so fast. However, I don't want to miss out on who they are becoming because if 12 and 8 are any indication, the rest is going to be pretty fabulous.