Friday, April 20, 2012

*And see the way that light attaches to a girl

There is an inherent unfairness to being a parent, you are supposed to be the responsible one, you are supposed to direct the growing and evolving of these beings that move in and out of your days. You can not just sit back and bask in their magic every moment of the day, you can try(and I do) but eventually you will need to feed them, or teach them, or tell them to stop hitting their brother with a book... and all of those domestic chores can pile up and turn into this magic stealing monster if you let them.
I try not to.
I have this little daughter in my life, she is all at once the most beautifully simple and wearingly complex person that I have ever encountered. She shines with an inner light made of pure happiness and joy that can be seen from miles away. She has this empathy for others that leaves me staggered in its wake. She can giggle and babble and chat all day and just when you think she's missed something, she will turn, look at you and lay down some deep insight.
And seeing her mind and spirit work is like watching dust motes dance in a sunbeam. You sit there wrapped in your own normalcy, mesmerized by her, you are held captive by her beauty both inside and out and all you can do is hold your breath and watch and wonder if you haven't glimpsed some secret the Universe is trying to whisper.
She can run and twirl so fast her edges blur.
She laughs and jokes and every time you hear that little chuckle, you gasp in gratitude that she is here and you can be near her.
Everything she does she does completely. Not a single detail missed, not a single oversight.
I wonder sometimes if it is her strict web of inner rules or if it is her magic that holds her together and propels her though her days.
I wonder if she will ever, in a million years be able to comprehend the depth of love and wonder I hold in my heart for her.
* that title is a line from a Counting Crows song.

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