Ohana

Ohana is the Hawaiian word for family. I first became aware of it when I watched the Disney movie Lilo and Stitch. In the movie, Lilo tells Stitch, that, " Ohana means family and that family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten". It's a great scene and reading that makes me teary eyed every time because it is a great sentiment for any family but if you are an adoptive family? Wow. It just gets heavier and more important.
And what if you are an adoptive family with a little Stitch of your own who has been working very hard for a little over two years to fit into the family?
What if he tries every night at the dinner table to figure out the meaning of family?
Of Ohana?
And you have watched him struggle? And you have struggled too?
And you have watched a slow transition from and angry little toddler into a little man who is getting it and the pieces are falling into place but because of a severe speech delay you KNOW there are things you are missing?
Ohana.
I think about it alot.
In exactly that way.
I have taked about it before, how at dinner, Liam will sit and look about us all and smile and make the sign for family and say that we are family and name us all and say we will be family for ever.
But there have been some new additions.
Lately he has added in the cat.
And far off relatives. Like MoMo and the Grands and The Brev.
And now he says we will be family for five minutes and he holds up his little chubby fingers and smiles big because in his little mind, five minutes is waaay longer than forever! And we laugh and we say, "Oh yes! Five minutes is for ever longer too!"
But...
Last night,
Ev got snarky, and got up from the table and was flouncing around and grabbed one of Liam's toys and then got, you know, busted, was told to put the toy down, decided to throw it with, a first class attitude... so she was asked to leave the table and "go stand on the wall".
So Liam Looks at us and does his family thing with a funny little smile on his face. But he says, "Not sissy. Sissy Bad. Sissy Not Famm-ee"
And through the Status Migrainosis. Through the pain pills. Through the over eating. Through the over stressed out status that Les and I are both in... I looked at Les and Les looked at me and we were completely like "Holy crap is that what he thinks!"
And I kind of looked at Liam and I said, as calmly as I could manage with my heart jumping in my chest and my stomach flipping, "No, honey. Sissy is still in the family, Even though she made a bad choice and is in trouble. That does NOT MEAN THAT SHE IS NOT FAMILY. We love sissy. She is our sissy. She is always our sissy. For ever. Even if she is bad." "Even if Liam gets in trouble he is still our Liam and in the family - ok?"
And he started to cry.
He crumbled.
And before I could think, I jumped up from the table And I yanked him up and I grabbed him to my chest, I nearly overturned the entire table getting him to me. And  I blubbered things about family and forever and ever. And he kept saying "yes mama"  "yes mama".  And Les was there saying things.
And it was Ohana.
And today Liam has been VERY happy and giddy. Maybe there is a connection.
Maybe another piece of that understanding of longterm family relationships clicked for him. I know that I have been granted a deeper insight into my son's precious little heart and I will not waste it.
If you ever want to know the biggest toll a speech delay can take on an adoptive family it is this. That he can not tell us these things as Evelyn could. How long has this been weighing on his little mind? I can not say. I had to wait and watch. What a terrible burden and fear for a little guy.
You see, when you live two years with no family of your own, that concept of Ohana does not spontaneously grow in your heart and mind, you must find a Mama and a Papa that can help you learn it and it takes much longer for a broken heart to learn it than you would think.
But we don't mind helping him.
He's our Mooosh.
Our Bubber Doo.
Our Lee-UUHM.