Monday, September 17, 2012

Those Bittersweet Moments






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See? We did make it to the beach the other night. If you are friends with me on FB, then you already know this and you have already seen some of these pictures. If you watch the slideshow, you get to see some again and some new ones, and you know why- I am a picture junkie.

I chose Debussy for the music because sometimes when I am playing with my children or I am watching them play, that is the exact music or mood that is echoing in my head and through my heart. Sometimes when the light hits them just so, you can see them as they are, as they were and as they will be all at once and it takes your breath away and wrenches your mother's heart in such a compelling way... You are left bereft and in love and longing for days gone by, wanting this moment to never end and yet? Wanting tomorrow to come rushing in so you can meet the wonderful people you know they will become, and it's all there! Right there! In that one moment. And you are lost like so much foam on the waves. Like fluff on the wind. And for me, the only thing that can help me capture that is that particular song up there and it was playing in my head the whole time they were frolicking on the shore the other evening. Some day, oh some day they will be all grown and gone and that will come before I am ready because it was just yesterday that they were tiny, chubby round things all fumbly and completely dependent on me and look at them now- rock jumping, shore exploring, strong children and it happened in the blink of an eye. Such is the nature of children. To grow at light speed and leave us before we are ready...
I love them in ways that I can not explain. The way they laugh. The way their faces crinkle when they smile. The way they are different and the same. How one will never ever give an inch and one will clumsily stroke your face when you cry. I am amazed at how ferocious and gentle my love for them can be and often times in the very same moment. My love for them is a vast, swirling galaxy of white hot stars and unknown dark matter. It is sweet and light and sometimes scary in it's very bigness. And I know that sometimes when they look at me, they see it and they just walk a bit taller and it does not scare them. My love for them is exactly what they want and need and they will take every ounce and keep on truckin'.


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