On Being Big, Bold and Beautiful

                This is a recent picture of me, it's a pretty good representation of how I look right now at my current weight. My current weight, I will admit, is not really ideal. When I step on a scale, the numbers that roll around and pop up are not ones that I particularly wish would happen...however, I suffer from PCOS, Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism and Chronic Migraines. The first two conditions keep my hormones out of whack and that last one keeps me on maintenance meds that mess with your weight (gain weight-not loose weight -no, dear God, never loose weight). These are all things I try to keep in mind when I look in the mirror, or when the self dis-like or hate start to creep in. 

                I had to go to the doctor on Friday, the OB/GYN. It was a visit to establish care, set up new birth control pills for hormonal control of the PCOS and a few other issues. The visit was going well, and I was really liking the Doctor and her thoroughness, until, that is, she decided, to bring over the little diagram of "the plate", you know, the modern version of the food pyramid, and start telling me about how I should be making my dinner plate look, about how, I should be using more control since I just moved down here and remember that I wasn't on vacation all of the time so I should stay out of the restaurants that are on every corner, how I should really consider looking at ....... she really didn't get much farther.

           I understand that, as a medical professional people feel that they have a job to do and discussing "obesity" with at risk patients is one of them. Fine. However you just spent about 40 minutes with me going over my medical history and I think it should have been apparent I have about 12,000 legit reasons I might be overweight, especially that one time at band camp when I told you I had been under-medicated with my thyroid for at least three years (probably) and I was just now on a dosage that seemed to be helping my body. I spoke up for myself, right then and there. I refused to let her make me feel bad about being overweight. I refused to walk out of that room thinking that it was my eating that put me in this position. Do I eat like a health nut? No. But I don't eat a complete slob either. I eat sane foods at sane portions and I know about "the plate" thank you very much. I try as hard as I can to be comfortable in this flawed body and I do not need the help of random medical people beating me down, so I just wouldn't allow it. Not conversationally, not in my head. 

                  I can't afford to feel bad about who I am anymore. I have a daughter and she needs to see that I like who I am so that as she moves forward with her life, she can like who she is. Plus, I don't want to walk around not liking myself anymore, it's no fun and if you don't like yourself, no one else will like you either.