This Marriage and Chronic Illness

                         I talk openly about the fact that I suffer from a couple of chronic illnesses. I talk openly about how those illnesses affect me, probably too much, I don't know. One thing I think I don't give much voice to, is how those chronic illnesses have affected my marriage, or how when one half of a long term relationship gets struck down by an illness that changes them in a profound way, how the dynamic in the relationship can change and how then, the real struggle for survival can begin.  

                         Leslie and I were married for about eighteen or nineteen years, chugging along just fine and minding our own business when I was struck by my migraines and my thyroid decided to stop functioning. We lived in New Jersey at the time, all on our own, far from any real support system and when I got sick, even though my Mom came to care for me for a several visits, for the most part, Les was left to deal with everything pretty much all on his own. I was very sick. I needed hospitalizations for the month long Status Migrainosis that was attacking my body, I needed HEAVY psych drugs to flood my system to help bust out that headache. Drugs that made me a shambling mound of a human, drugs that completely shut down my personality and took away every ounce of energy I had. On top of that, I was dealing with the fact that my thyroid was malfunctioning and I wasn't getting enough medication for that. This was just the tip of the ice berg.

                       It is now four years later and we are just beginning to emerge from the worst of the hell that has been these illnesses that have eaten away at our lives. I am still on meds that affect my personality. I am still dealing with sub-par energy levels thanks to the Hashimoto's. I have migraines on a daily basis. I go for Botox treatments every three months. Things are much better though. I am almost myself for most of the time. I have returned from the edge.Though there are more bad days than I care to think about.

                        Through it all, my husband has stood by my side. He has cared for the kids, helped with dinners, made hundreds of trips to the grocery store, he has held me while I cried, he has made hundreds of pharmacy runs...just... so much stuff you can't even imagine, we have even managed to homeschool the kids through this but mostly because of the strength and dedication of my husband. Most of all though? He has shown a love and a spirit of grace and patience towards a chronically ill partner that is rare to see. 

You can't possibly know when you marry someone at the age of twenty, what will come down the road to meet you in the dark. You can't know the monsters that might be waiting for you. You can only hope that your love and friendship will get you through the years to come. I am a very lucky woman, my husband is kind and considerate, patient, funny, and dedicated. He has loved me through these long years of sickness. He has loved me on my worst days. I guess I'll keep him around for another few years or so.