We are pretty used to attention when we are out in public.
You know, Caucasian Adults + Chinese Kids (one of them a boy) = lots of comments and opportunities for questions and outright staring. For the most part we ignore the majority and go about our business. We have learned that we have to do this- ignore things. Sometimes though, you can't ignore people and they must be schooled. The nature of said schooling can be gentle or kind of like Scared Straight- our approach is based on the exact nature of The Invader.
The other thing is that this kind of thing has it's own weird rhythm. It's like this: We don't always get noticed, that is real hit or miss. And I can not figure out what it is that will specifically bring us to the forefront. If we do get comments on a day out, they will run along the same vein or if we are out and in 10 minutes we notice someone staring at us, that day will be riddled with Lookie Lou's. I have NEVER had a Lookie Lou followed by Rude Questioner. I have never had a RQ ask about the "realness" of their sibling nature followed by the old "Cost Analysis Questioner".
Today was a day for the "Cuteness Announcers". Really. I KNOW my kids are cute (does that offend you? If it does, have you seen their pictures? I mean I had nothing to do with their toxic levels of Cute so I can comment on it and call it like it is). Where was I? Oh yes....Yes. Thank you. My kids are cute. But I don't necessarily need you gibbering over them while I am trying to wrangle the two of them in and out of public restrooms. I do not need nurses knocking on the door of my exam room and barging in at my Doctor's office just so they can oogle the cute Chinese Kids. I do not need people gushing about how cute they are at every turn.
Because? Guess what? That's actually not good for kids. It does something to them, It makes them a bit ummm... kooky. Ev used to get really super ornery after having 5 or so people gush about her cuteness. Liam just puts on his show face and goes for the gusto, which is difficult in a different way.
Today was plum full of "Cuteness Announcers". Thank you! Every mother loves to hear that other people think their kids are cute. I do love that. I do appreciate people going out of their way to say something nice. I do. But let's not get obnoxious about it. Say it once and smile and wave and roll on. Please don't say it like 50 times and coo and goo and make things awkward.
Today, after a particularly enthusiastic admirer, Ev had a thing or two to say.
The Scene: Lunch at our local Irish Pub
The Gusher: leaves the vicinity.
Ev: " Mama? Why do people do that sometimes?"
M: " Well Ev I guess they think that you guys are cute and they are trying to be nice"
E: "Well. I kind of don't like it."
M: " I know what you mean, I think. Can you tell me why it bothers you?"
E: " Well....hum..... ...... ...... It's like they are just mixed up because we are Chinese and they aren't. And Mama? It's annoying because we are not JUST cute"
M: ".......!"
E: continues " I am good in school and Liam is funny. We are Kung Fu-ers and I am a Gymnastic-er. It's not just that we are cute only."
At this point I am wondering if the child really needs me for anything anymore. We talk a bit more about it and I finally ask her what she thinks we should say to the Gushers. She sits still and thinks for a minute and she says, "Oh I don't know. You are the Mama, that's your job, to figure out what to say to them. I am just the cute kid after-all." Then she digs into her lunch as if it's all settled and she shall never be bothered again.
It's nice to be needed.
My Qiu despises the word "cute". She also loathes the word "pretty", at least in relation to herself. I have a hard time relating because I was never that beautiful, but I can sort of comprehend how difficult it must be to be that beautiful from the get-go. So I try to comply with her comfort level. People stop in their tracks every five minutes when we walk down the street to say how cute or pretty or beautiful she is, and she always shoots them looks of death. As for me, she has forbidden me to call her "cute", and I do my best to comply. She is a tomboy. I know that. But it's still hard for me to restrain my mouth from pronouncing "beautiful" or "cute" every time I look at her. She gives me stern looks and says "I'm not pretty, I'm just a turtle! Not a "pretty" turtle, just a "plain" turtle!" So I stop myself mid-syllable each and every time, and say "I love you, my TURTLE." And she nods her head in satisfaction and gives me a rewarding smile.
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